A Disturbance in My Force…(warning: rated R for language)

I admit that I am totally techno-tarded. I think I should be able to plug in a gadget and it should work and I should understand how to make it do what it’s supposed to do intuitively. (Obviously Apple also feels this way – my IPhone didn’t even come with a user manual) I don’t want to know WHY it works – or HOW- I just want it to work!

These past two weeks I have behaved shamelessly – crying & carrying on, cursing at strangers (you call that tech-support?!), making scenes at Best Buy, imposing on my less-than-techno-tarded friends…And you know what? My fucking shit still doesn’t work! Samsung – you are the devil!

What I want is simple: I want to wirelessly connect my Samsung Blu-ray player to the internet, so I can use Netflix. It doesn’t seem like an unreasonable request, it ain’t rocket science (although as far as I’m concerned, it may as well be!)

Somehow, this task has involved:

purchasing (then returning) a new wireless router, a wireless LAN for the Blu-ray player, and some new Netgear device that carries an internet signal thru my house’s electrical wires (utter bullshit. If Samsung is the devil, Netgear is an evil minion).

Countless phone calls with tech support – hours and hours, really. A Bollywood farce of technical support. Your polite responses only aggravate me even more. Don’t be nice – fix my ^%@#@^ problem!

Taking the Blu-ray player back to Best Buy, having it shipped to Samsung and having all new guts put in.

Still not being able to connect wirelessly, even with new guts. So…I give up. I actually unplug my Clear modem from the desktop downstairs and physically connect it to the Blu-ray player, and…VOILA! Netflix! Success.

I watch 1 show on Netflix, then the remote control dies. No lie. I replace the batteries, no good; I throw it against the wall, no good. I call tech support, no good. They have to send me a new remote (10 – 14 days) Can I access Netflix without the remote…NOPE. And really, the remote dies the same day I get the player back? Are you kidding?

I give up. I just GIVE UP! So, I went to bed. The baby and I are fast asleep and at 1 am – the battery in the smoke detector above our heads dies…so the smoke detector starts to beep. At 1AM. The baby wakes up, the dog wakes up, I move us all into a different room, a much warmer room (since my house doesn’t have central air, only 2 rooms have A/C units)

No sleep – it’s too hot; the dog is freaked out by the constant beeping and is whining and trying to lay on top of me (it’s 90 freaking degrees) I left the nastiest message on my electrician’s voicemail (it’s a whole new system, put in while I was pregnant). Then,I kid you not, my phone freezes. The screen on my IPhone just stays on the hang-up screen – I am obviously being punished! I can’t make the phone turn-off or re-set or anything. So I just walked away. Right into the kitchen. Right over to the freezer, where my bag of chocolate chips (Ghirardelli 60% dark chocolate) quietly waits for me, soothing me, calming me down.

Thinking rationally again (for me anyway) I decide that my house obviously is haunted. There’s only one logical explanation – and it’s GHOSTS. The electrical force of the spirit world is interfering with my wireless connections, my 3G network, my battery-operated devices. I don’t need the Geek Squad – I need a priest. I need an exorcist.

2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    Aunt Sharon said,

    I know that person! He was in my house too, but I succeeded in getting him out and connecting my wireless internet to my picture frame. It only took 3 days of pushing buttons and then all of a sudden it happened. Now, all I have to do is figure how to get all those pictures in it. So far, I downloaded 70. some of the same ones twice. Always the over achiever. Then I learned how to delete and rotate. Kinda kinky. Love and I know you can do it. Love to my girl and boys, Aunt Sharon

  2. 2

    Marti said,

    Maura I blame the eclipse.

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