Obsession: Poop

I am obsessed with poop. Number 2 is my number 1 concern. Why? Because it’s an excellent barometer of health. – physical, mental & emotional. Although I’ve always had more than a passing interest in poo, it wasn’t a full-blown fixation until my 4 month old son started eating food. Watching his body try to jump-start the complicated process of digestion is fascinating. And today we had a true scatological milestone…baby’s first turd! I took a picture of it, emailed it to close friends and family and barely resisted posting it on Facebook. (If you’d like to see it , just ask…although it may turn up at the end of this post…I’m still debating.)PEE AND POO PLUSH DOLLS

Lately, the subject of excreta has come up a lot. Tonight I was teaching a seminar, “Deciphering Food Labels”, at my local natural foods store. At the end of  class a woman volunteered the information that she has been steadily losing weight by incorporating dairy into her diet. I’m thinking she’s eating low-fat yogurt or drinking skim milk, and I was right but also so very, very wrong. She is drinking milk, knowing that she’s lactose intolerant! The milk makes her sick, flushing out her system. Or as she put it, “The milk comes out, along with everything else”. No need for fancy laxatives when plain old moo juice will do the trick. Honey, that is not a great plan for long-term weight loss!

Last week, my very sensitive social worker friend was crying (yes – real tears) because she was working with constipated homeless children. In her mind, these kids “couldn’t move their bowels” because they were so emotionally distraught. Living under the train trestle with their crackhead mom would have many devastating consequences, but I’m not sure that an inability to make is the result of being upset by their tragic situation. I’m more inclined to chalk it up to poor diet and dehydration. And of all the horrible things happening to these kids daily, my friend was completely focused on the fact they couldn’t take a crap. If I had to live like that I would be scared sh*tless too. (I don’t mean to make light of their terrible circumstances, I just don’t believe the most pressing issue is a lack of poop).

Even I had my own issues this week. Normally I’m as regular as an atomic clock.

But I was traveling, off my regular schedule and eating vast quantities of BBQ ribs. I always know when I’ve been eating too much animal protein – it’s the one thing that backs up my plumbing. Perhaps BP’s “junk shot” should have contained hot dogs and hamburgers, rather than golf balls and tires – maybe that would have gotten the job done? Anyway, I spent a lot of my vacation wondering when I might unclench enough to go. (And the answer was…when I got home! Nothing beats familiar porcelain)

A little parting advice:


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